Friend.

I look at these strangers around me, 

faint giggles and jokes.

I’ve known them long enough for me to realise I don’t. 

Suddenly, they fade with the wind, and I’m alone in the room, 

alone with a glass before me.
The curtains let the sun kiss the alcohol in it,

and the bottle shies away.

With my head resting on the table 

and my hand stretched out, 

the perfect drunk, 

I watch the friend I tend to rely on, 

when I have no way with my mind.
I down the drink I was but, supposed to enjoy, because it’s too much to take. My mind is wandering off wildly, and it’s not an adventure. It’s a suicide trip. 

I feel my thoughts suffocate me, 

I feel the silence, the emptiness turn into a rope around my neck,  and I open the bottle, 

consume my cure entirely, 

trying to find transitory liberation.
The last drop of alcohol mixes with my blood 

my eyes turn heavy with the weight of the unsaid and unexpressed, maybe the high too, 

they close after a long time of being ajar,

and I’m finally relieved. It has come to a stop, for now.
Until next time, fears.

Until next time. -WANDERER // E s c a p e s 

Speed.

“I like how 

you have a way 

with 

everything, 

Like the way 

you make

everything around 

feel like 

a trance, 

I’m on 

some kind 

of high, 

probably high 

on you,

something 

that feels 

so good 

and fast.

It simply 

doesn’t make sense 

yet

it is everything 

logical 

that I 

have known.

I like how 

you give the aura 

around me 

a rush 

of light, 

and 

speed the world 

in my vicinity, 

but 

paralyse me 

in time, 

to have 

this moment 

with you, 

for 

as long as 

I want to.” -WANDERER

Holi. 

“But every festive season, I was dancing in fraudulent colours, cherishing a frail sense of happiness, with a soul so grey

until you coloured me with your hue”

-WANDERER || Marlyn Pereira 

The story of a rock

I have been recently told that every rock has a mellow story inside. I couldn’t help but associate this idea to our lives.

We try to build a fortress around ourselves, to try to keep away from heed our insecurities, our fears and our soft spots as we can call them.

We don’t want to be vulnerable. It scares us to feel and feel intensely. Consumed by our fears we harden ourselves, covering our hearts with layers and layers of stone, subduing every word we yearn to voice out, and we are so used to being this stoic unto our own feelings that we often don’t even remember what it is like to feel a whiff of the wind tingle our soul. But as much as we conceal, behind these stone walls, I have learnt from experience, more than once, that there lies a mellow version of ourselves, one that we think of as a flaw. One that we rebuke and don’t like to accept because we are so afraid to admit that sometimes we can be broken, we can need help, we can be weak.
I believe we all are hiding behind façades of our own kind of rocks and stones, but beyond we are nesh and tender and Love and only Love penetrates through our castles built on the foundations of disdain and reluctance.

-WANDERER || Marlyn Pereira

Plunge.

You ask me not to plunge into you. 

“I am shallow”, you proclaim 

I wonder why that is the word you use

because I have already seen the still waters in you 

and they have given you away.
Determined to prove your allegations wrong 

I plunge anyway, repressing the fear that has now reached my gullet, 

the fear that I cannot swim.

There is a clog in my windpipe 

and I cannot breathe 

but that’s okay, I realise

because I am drowning

and if it was that you were shallow 

I wouldn’t 
The waves in you are enraged you say,

somebody has made it through to you, 

but why then can I taste angst instead 

in the salty current you throw at me.

You try to throw me to the shore 

with all the vigour in you 

and in the process you shatter me.

Pieces of my being fall to your bed 

and smile, but you fail to realise 

I’ve not left yet.

I fall onto your bed and I bury myself 

into a luxury you wouldn’t give me

the luxury of a forever 

You are baffled because you cant uproot me 

through all that, in you, I buried deep 

I breathe a sigh of relief 

for love sprouts through the pieces of me