Black memories 

It did not feel taxing, 

the fourth time,

or shameful,

the way 

your hands 

went down

to parts 

of me

even 

I wasn’t 

acquainted with 

yet.
It did not 

scare me 

anymore, 

It did not 

make me 

want to 

leave 

this body.

I had left

already.

This, 

these hands 

and feet 

and these eyes 

are just

vacuum and skin.

I did not 

feel disgust 

the tenth time, 

in that corner 

in the dark.
I did not 

want 

to run away 

I was home.

I did not 

want to escape.

There 

was

none.
I did not 

feel the pain

the seventeenth time,

when 

my mouth 

slit open 

and bled 

from 

too much 

force.

I did not 

feel 

the need 

to wipe the blood 

off my 

thighs.
I did not 

feel the pain

or the sting 

of your nails 

cutting through

the insides 

of me.

As a matter of fact 

I did not 

feel

anything 

at all.

-WANDERER // B l a c k M e m o r i e s 

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Sunshine and Shadows 

“There will come a time when peace will seem like a long lost luxury. In the middle of chaos you will find yourself standing, lost in no thought specifically but you will feel like you’re concrete, you will feel numb, and you will begin to question whether being this stoic is even human?
There will come a time, when you will have no idea what to do, and you will come back to reality after zoning out a thousand times, from some moment you wished you were in, or one that you wished you never lived through. 
But remember that these days of feeling indifferent or rather inhuman, don’t last long. They are demons, shadows that leave remnants of themselves through the sunshine, but although they exist they don’t overpower. 
These are parcels that come along with life for us to learn that the sun and the shadows are metaphorical balanced entities that explain life quite simply, if you pay attention. 
They explain that the good and bad are equally present in life, either cannot be eliminated, and that there is always something to make back from either.

WANDERER. 

“I am a wanderer by heart, I want to be to places and corners of the world.

I want to wander and be lost. Be lost and then find my way back out
You came in like everything I hadn’t imagined happening to me.
You came to me and turned my mind round 180 degree from what I wanted my life to be. I had aspirations, strong aspirations and now I caught myself thinking otherwise..

You made me rethink. It’s not easy to make me rethink something that I have been dreaming of ever since.
You made me see something different. Another world, another journey, another adventure, with You.
I had my life planned ahead of me as a wanderer, having no place to go, just wandering all my life, but since I met you all this wandering heart wants to do.. is come home to you” 

Let me in. 

Tell me about your dreams. 

I want to know the kind of monsters 

that have been haunting the corners of your brain.

Show me the darkest flaw so I can love you more.

I want to know the beasts 

that you have fallen in love with, 

helplessly, while you found no escape.
Tell me about the happiest moments of your life, 

those that are sunshine beyond the clouds, 

those that keep the light, 

while your eyes turn black and your skin pale,

no matter how grey the sky begins to turn, 

those that don’t let you lose the fight.
I want to know you like nobody does, 

Perhaps that is what they say love is, to know.

I want to see what it is, to be beyond your skin.

Baby, don’t hold a wall against me, 

I don’t want to be a wrecking ball, 

I don’t want to destruct your guard, I just want to be let in.
I just want to be let in. -WANDERER // ” Let me in “

Mother’s day.

I bought flowers for a lovely lady today. One of the strongest women I know and I wondered if my kids would do the same for me. I wondered if I would be a good parent. 

Mother’s day, one day, for all the mother’s in the world. 

For the ones who do the world for us, and even though gone unnoticed they never stop. “Would I be able to be that selfless?” “Would I raise my children right?” “Would I be able to fight the word for them like my mother does for me?”

Questions like these were all over my mind, as I handed these to the one of the strong women I look up to. 

And In that moment I watched strong eyes melt,

I watched a fortress crumble down for a second and build up again, and I realised it was so easy to make a mother feel loved. 

The smallest gesture could make their day, yet, we don’t take the time to make them realise how much they mean to us.
Why do we need a day, a reason, to tell our mother’s that we love them? Why do we need so much courage to simply show our mother’s that they are in fact, our entire world? 

Why do we shy away to do something so small for the ones who would give up their everything for a smile on our faces.

-WANDERER // Mother’s Day 

Transparent.

Standing on the edge of something beautiful, 

I watched what made me believe,

that the sun came back for me. 

The wind was rusting through my hair, fighting it’s way into me 

and for once 

I did not feel stone. 

I did not feel the concrete,

the plastered me, that I had created. 

I felt the wind go through and through, 

inside my veins and my blood.

I couldn’t feel my body but 

for some unknown reason, 

all I felt was your fingers wrapped around mine.

My system was nothing,

and all I felt was that wind.

In that moment I knew, 

at the edge of something beautiful

no matter how breathtaking the view was, 

It was never the place that set me free. 

It was never the language the sun spoke to me, neither was it the music of the stars, 

or the random silhouettes of the night and the moonlight, 

but it was always You.

No matter where the place,

You were what made me feel transparent. 

You were what liberated me. -WANDERER / Transparent.