Mendacity and Vulnerability. 

“The sun hid behind the clouds. It was a black and white kind of colourful day. My feet sweaty from nervousness and fright, and my palms, waiting to hold a freshly brewed cup of caffeine, waiting to kiss my escape, and play tongue with the taste of it.
There was no wind that day, but there was essence. The essence of heavy silence. The precedent of uncomfortable loose thoughts like threads from a torn cloth. An essence that always lingered like a question unanswered. 
My mind spoke to me, or did it?

Anyway,

The peculiarity of normal things is that no one talks about it and because no one talks about it, it’s normal.

Vulnerability, however, is pretty normal, yet not spoken about.

Considered a weakness, vulnerability is looked at with shadowed eyes of plastered strength. 

There is a demand to be stone. 

There is a demand to be concrete. 
“It is beautiful to be vulnerable” somebody once told me and I wondered,

if it would be beautiful for me to panic, with a terrible heart ache like when a spear is stuck inside it, and I can’t pull it out, 

if it would be beautiful to break down in the middle of the night while everyone around is dancing to music and your ravenous mind is waiting to devour you whole.

I wondered if it would be beautiful to tell someone that I’m insecure about my appearances, I know I shouldn’t be, I know I show I’m confident but I am.

I wondered if it would be beautiful if I woke up screaming from a nightmare almost every night because someone taught me to be afraid of the dark when I could barely understand what this world was about. 
I wondered if at all vulnerability was beautiful, and I realised it was. It was beautiful because it was like looking at somebody’s naked soul, nothing to hide, 

but the world does not the naked soul beautiful.

The world is in love with a thousand levels of mendacity, and here we are, 

hating the truth 

hating the fact that we as humans are, after all, vulnerable 
because, come on, 

aren’t we too?”

Reason.

“I realised something very important the other day. 

If your reasons for doing something are anything but yourself, it’s nothing more than a compromise, it’s not genuine and it’s obviously not right.

Even if it does feel like the right thing to do right now, somewhere down the line it is going to feel like a mistake. 

If your reason is something else than your own will, or someone else then there is a possibility that you will be lost once that reason goes away.

You see, you are letting somebody else, something else, be the fuel to what you do. 

You are putting power into something else, power to control you, your mind, your actions and that I think is very unhealthy.
Don’t do something because someone expects it of you. If you can’t write a poem today, don’t. If the charcoal won’t etch your mind on the canvas, don’t, leave it white. You don’t have to do it because someone asked you to. Let things flow. Don’t agree to force yourself. 

Let your reason not be others wants but let your reason be genuine.
In simplest words do something because you want to, because its an energy flows from you instead of you forcing it out 

Do it because you feel like, not because someone asked you to.
It is so important to realise that your reason has to be yourself, because if you don’t do things because you want to do them, regret is going to clog your nerve someday so bad, that life will seem like rope around the neck.

It is important to be your own reason because everyone can leave someday, but you’re stuck with yourself.

You need to be your own reason because you matter, your dreams, your aspirations, your desires matter. 

You deserve to do what you love.” -WANDERER // Do what you love Because you love it 

Learning to unlearn. 

I have been teaching myself a lot lately. Doing what you love to do, alone, can be very daunting 

So I have been pushing myself to learn and unlearn certain things. -Its okay if you’re not as good as those writers who you love. You are yourself and that is unique. No one can write the way you do because that is what it is. Everyone is different. -Its okay if you’re not good at art, you can still keep trying to make it for yourself. You don’t need an audience. Do it because you want to -Push yourself as much as you can but don’t force yourself. There is a difference. Pushing is motivating, forcing is wrong, it’s negative and art is created from inspiration and not demands. -Learn to unlearn all that you know in order to see new things, or old things the new way. Perspective is everything -Dont give up. You don’t need a silver lining. Fame is just an illusion. Art is meant to touch hearts, to be understood and loved, not simply bought or looked at. -Be happy.

-WANDERER // learning to unlearn

Possibility    

With tilted footsteps, 

I found myself inclining 

towards doubt and uncertainty.

The daunting possibilities 

shadow the ray of hope 

I build over iron reprimands, 

almost crushing the already broken way I made 

to break free.

Silence hangs over my head 

like a two edged sword, 

and awaits the game 

time is about to play,

so it can snithe me

as soon as I make a choice. 

I’m paralysed between

do and don’ts 

and somewhere between what ifs too.

This dilemma is like slow poisoning 

while I’m dancing in a burning room, 

an inevitable end. 

So as I dance with fire, 

and dream of gasoline,

I simply hold the ice closer 

and choose anyway

because every day

that my heart has broken 

from the discouragement, 

my dream has only become

an indelible scar 

on every piece that beats.

-WANDERER // All the possibilities. 

13 reasons why inspired. 

“The thing about hurt, I realised is that every little thing can bring in the feeling of pain. It doesn’t matter how important or unimportant the person is, words, intimidating or judgemental glances, giggles full of mockery and insult, rumours, every little thing matters. We may stiffen up our brow, play pretend and say that “who cares what others think” but the truth is we do care. It bothers us on levels we do not comprehend. Little insults, masked as pleasantries and deemed as acceptable can hurt somebody to an extent that you cannot estimate and no that does not make a person a ‘sissy’ ‘not tough’ or a ‘pussy’.
It does not. 
What hurts, hurts and that is fine because if someone were to hurt us too more often than not we would react the same way too. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you don’t know what somebody has or is going through, you don’t know how it can hurt somebody and what it can lead, you don’t know that something you think is a ‘joke’ can be a serious matter to somebody else. 
I guess what I’m saying is don’t hurt people, intentionally or unintentionally. Don’t push them towards becoming a stoic person, or a person who ends up in a really bad place. 
I guess what I’m saying is, just don’t be an asshole.”

Forgiveness. 

“People have done me wrong, in as many ways as you can, and I always thought forgiveness was something they did not deserve. I did not plan vengeance or intend to hurt them, I thought I just didn’t wanted away from them and that would be best. I thought forgiveness was meant to be given when it is asked for and that is where I went wrong. Over the years I have realised one thing about life – It’s not fair and it is. 

You will get hurt by people, you will be humiliated and put down, you will be treated badly and you will see worse days, that is the unfair side but the fair side of life is that it is unfair to everybody and I realised that if I’ve been hurt, someday they will be hurt too. I realised that revenge was something weak people inclined towards because hurting is very easy. 

What takes strength, what takes true courage is to forgive. 

I built myself on the mere thought that it is not worth holding onto the pain theyve inflicted on me and I simply chose to not let it weigh me down.

Its not because I wanted to be ‘the better person’ but I realised all these things that I didn’t let go of were a burden on my chest that didn’t let me breathe.
I walked past the people who hurt me and I smiled to myself because I had come face to face with a beautiful revelation in life, 

that forgiveness is best given when it’s not asked for. 

Letting go of those who hurt you, letting go of all those moments and simply forgiving is strength. 

Forgive because you don’t deserve to walk around with the weight of anger and pain on your chest. Let the shadows of those memories fade. 

Forgive because you deserve peace.”