She felt distant.
She was vulnerable and she was scared to be.
Many told her that it’s okay to be vulnerable, but I guess she thought they never understood what it meant to have your guard down after so long, that you just don’t have the strength to build it up all over again.
I guess she battled her fears, day and night, time and again, for years before and even now. I guess she thought it was a curse to feel everything deeply. It wasn’t something very beautiful, you know? To feel everything in great intensity. It’s not very pretty when every little thing hurts you, when you see a small change and it pricks your heart like a thousand needles all at once. When the heartache is unbearable. What’s worse? She couldn’t speak it out. She couldn’t talk to people. Maybe she thought she would come off as weak if she did, or somebody who would be termed as mentally unstable. So she silenced her tongue as the musings in her mind screamed. She choose to talk to the sinking sun and I wondered how brave was the heart beating in her chest, to be silent when the mind was echoing everything she was frightened about.